As I read through everyone’s Easter recaps and scrolled through the smiling faces on my Facebook feed I needed to remind myself that my journey isn’t going to look like your journey. Every family has its quirks. We had a perfectly lovely Easter. The girls enjoyed coloring eggs, did not enjoy eating them. They were super excited for their baskets and new basketball hoop. They got to play with their cousins and have an egg hunt at their grandma’s house. What they didn’t get to do was spend the day with their father. His head prevented him from joining us on the trip to my stepmother’s house.
Looking back at last week I am not surprised. I should have known but sometimes I forget
that we aren’t a “normal” family and I let go of some of my self-preservation techniques. Last week was just a crappy week; work was
really getting to me, I was really missing my girls, I had a minor car accident
that left me hurting all week and some unthinkable things affected people I
love. I was in more than a funk, I was
in a depression. I tried to hide it but
I couldn’t so I tried to talk to Will about it.
I knew I shouldn’t have, when I am having a hard time with how our life
has played out he has a hard time understanding that it’s not his fault. When I really just need to vent and cry and
be told that things will be OK I usually end up having to reassure him and I am
left worse off than before. It’s not his
fault – I know this and I am not mad at him for it but it is so frustrating.
I don’t want to keep things from my husband, I love him and
want to share everything with him but at the same time I want to protect
him. My unloading on him made him upset
and stressed and with the anxiety of a large Easter gathering hanging over his
head his body reacted. 5 years after his
accident he started experiencing a “concussion headache”. He has several different types of headaches
and having never had any of them I can’t really talk about them but he said he
felt as if he had just gotten the head injury.
Because of this he knew that he would be able to handle a loud house
full of people, so that is why we spent Easter apart.
He was there for the girls’ baskets and when we got home he
heard all about their day but he wasn’t there.
I had a great time with my family and it was nice to not have to worry
about how he was doing with my family but I would have rather of had him
there.
We have done a pretty good job adjusting to what is normal
for us but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
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