Saturday, May 10, 2014

Hmmm Mother's Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, I am excited for the girls - TC seemed so excited for all the things she wants to do for me tomorrow.  When Will explained that tomorrow is a special day for all moms TC decided that I need an egg hunt, a costume and everything else that she loves from all the holidays.  I know she will have fun making sure I have a good day but that isn't what I want to talk about. 

My mom, we haven't spoken since the day after Thanksgiving.  That is when she was so hurtful and finally broke my heart past any point of repair. 

Since that day Christmas, Easter, Addie's and TC's birthdays have passed without so much as a card from her for them.  I don't care that she hasn't reached out to me, honestly I don't think there is any hope at all there but the fact that the girls have been cut out...well I guess I should be thankful, they wont have to deal with her let downs.

When people ask about my mom and I mention our falling out (putting it lightly) people seem awfully judgmental.  Cutting her from my life isn't something I took lightly.  I've lost a parent - I don't take that relationship for granted.  I know life is short and you can't get time back.  I know all of this so when someone learns that my mom is out of my life I get the look - that one look that implies that I don't know any of those things.

On mother's day I will be glad that I have a stepmother who has loved me.  I will be blessed that I get to be the mom to two of the best kids ever.  I will try to only think of the few happy memories that haven't been tainted by my mother's poor choices.  But my mom isn't in my life.  I am fine with it.  She has lost out on being a part of my daughters' lives. 

She has set an example for me, really.  She is everything I hope I never become.  If I ever get to the point where my kids have fallen to the ground in tears over something I have said to them, if they feel like their guts have been ripped from their bodies, if they question why they have ever trusted me with anything I hope that the devil just takes me at that exact moment.  I can't imagine any hell worse than knowing that I have cause my kids even a fraction of that kind of pain.

I now know that when someone tells me that they have cut a parent from their life I will no longer judge their decision.  I wont try to put myself in their shoes.  I will offer a listening ear and a loving hug, this is not something that is ever done lightly.    


  1. Those of us with mothers, and/or fathers incapable of offering real love are in a category that is unimaginable for others. We cannot explain, and more we should not have to explain. Because the pain of not being loved (because the person is incapable) is a searing, excruciating experience like no other. That our children don't have access to kind and/or compassionate grandparents is an additional bitter punishment for nothing we brought upon ourselves.

    Mental illness is a bitch. Ending the abuse is sometimes the only way to not repeat the pattern.

    1. Sneaking this in here: I've been more sad and angry this year than I was the last two, since my mom died. Being a mother complicates this, and Mother's Day in general. I want to send you wishes for a sweet day, with hugs and kisses and kindness. I'm glad you have a step-mother who's shown you a healthy love that you deserve. <3

  2. ((hugs))

    I haven't cut a parent out, but I have cut my dad's mom out (won't even call her a "g-word." And also the rest of my dad's family. It's what happens when they accuse you of being the reason your dad died (he died of a heart attack).

    I'm here if you need an ear.

  3. I love TC's ideas for Mother's Day :-)

    I hope that you had a good day in spite of having something that weighs so heavily on you. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to sever the tie- even if you know it's best for you and your family.

  4. I love TC's ideas for Mother's day and hope it was a good one. I pretty much cut my dad out of my life. It isn't easy and after years of trying to get him to like me again, I just gave up and forgave him and have moved on with my life. I had signed up for a local fundraising walk for a non-profit pregnancy support group and wrote why I chose to walk. I had more questions if I reconciled with my dad and tried to explain and people were very understanding.