Friday, March 7, 2014

I Lied

I lied to myself and then to all of you.  I have never been so unhappy in my life. I am not loving my new job and not getting the support I need to really take advantage of this opportunity. I am made to feel guilty about not being with the girls while I work and mostly when I'm not working.  Going to the gym is a constant battle, I can't go after work because Will wants to hang out and I can't go before because I'm abandoning him with the kids.

I want a partner, someone who will try to understand things from my side.  Someone who won't expect me to do everything. If I walk in the door at midnight the last thing I want to see is the mess from dinner waiting for me or toys all over the living room.  I know some days are hard but I never left my slack for him to pick up, if I left a mess I took care of it. I am just so tired - I could sleep for months.

I just want to be happy, I that so much to ask?  Don't I get a chance to finally be happy? Ever?


  1. For what it's worth, I don't think you lied - I think you're human and you were hopeful! after all, we have nothing if we don't have hope - or whatever that statement is...
    you deserve to be happy. you deserve a partner who will encourage you and be your cheerleader. You deserve to take care of yourself and work, and still be a mom. None of that is easy, but the hardship should not come from your spouse, if anything, he should be trying to make it easier on you.
    I'm so sorry for this Amber. You're doing the right thing... hang in there - I'm here if you need me... lets get together again soon please?

  2. <3 Been thinking a lot about you Amber. I hope you can get some counselling to help you to find the threads of your life and family that are strong enough to help you hang in there and find a healthy and balanced life. Please don't get me wrong: I have a huge amount of respect for your personal strength, but I am a functional product of really solid therapists (and some kooks I discarded gladly) and personal work, and it brought into my life peace, skills and understanding I never knew I could have. I wish this for you too.