Sunday, July 6, 2014

House Arrest

I've talked about it in the past but one of the hardest parts of Will's post TBI life is the social anxiety.  Don't get me wrong, before he was injured he would have rather sat at home than go anywhere but he could go.  Now just the thought of having to interact with other people makes him physically ill.  So we are home, always home.

I know I can go out on my own but I can't really make plans because my job is pretty last minute most weeks and because I never know what kind of a day Will will be having.  When I do find myself having a free night or some time he always says "go out, do something for yourself" or "call your friends, go out".  It doesn't quite work like that.  I've pretty much neglected most of my friends since I got home - I haven't done it because I don't care or I don't want to see them, I miss them terribly, it just happened.  When I am not working and the girls are awake Will gives me a guilt trip if I am not home with them and I work most nights.  Almost all my friends have kids, just because I have a free night it doesn't mean everyone else (you know, people I've failed to fit in my calendar up until now) will drop everything.

This would all be solved with one thing, I know what you're thinking - PLAN AHEAD!  Yup, that seems to solve a lot of problems, all but one.  My husband.  He acts like a lost puppy when I make plans without him.  He doesn't mean it but he does it.  First, I am always sure to invite him along - that would be ideal but he never wants to come.  So I have a choice, go without him and feel like shit or just stay home.  To avoid this I've stopped making plans, stopped committing to things.  It sucks, when I am not on work release I feel like I am on house arrest.  I don't really know a way around this.

As hard as it is for me the people who are really losing out are the girls.  I am trying to just take them and do our thing as much as possible but that has it's downfall too.  I took the the girls to the beach and they had a blast in the sand and even ventured into the ocean.  Will was pretty bummed to miss that.  A week later I took them to swim in my sister's pool which the both loved and had a blast, I don't think he's even looked at the pictures.  My going it without him seems to make him worse.

This should be daddy, not Uncle Brian.
 I am really struggling with this.  I have never thought I would be living like this.  I don't want to live like this.

1 comment:

  1. Have you considered joining a Mommies Network group ( if there is one close to you? Or perhaps finding a group on Meet up that offers activities for moms with and without kids along? It's a lot easier to decline at the last moment if there are a bunch of people going then just meeting up with a couple friends.