I Can Do That

When I decided to put the excuses down and get healthy there was one driving force: my girls.  They have been robbed the super physically active and healthy father that Will would have been thanks to his war injuries so I wasn’t going to rob them of a healthy mother as well.  Many times when things got hard I reminded myself that what happened to Will is irreversible, we have no course other than to accept the hand that he’s been dealt and live the best life we can given our circumstance.  This doesn’t mean we stop hoping and celebrating the advances he makes in his recovery but we just know not to count on anything and appreciate everything.  I can’t even remember how many times I said or thought “one of us has to be healthy” when I really wanted to give up and eat a jar of Nutella and that’s really been my battle cry.

This winter has been a bitch.  The snow has been record breaking and unlike anything I’ve ever seen, even as a seasoned New Englander.  We have our driveway plowed by our landlord but the walkways to the basement/laundry, to the driveway, and a place for the dog to do his business, those all fall on us.  During the first blizzard Will was out there every few hours busting his ass to keep ahead of the accumulation and the next day we thought that he was going to be fine after all of that physical labor,  he didn’t have the headache or stiffness that he usually had after physical activity so we started to think maybe the worst was over, but we were wrong.  Two days later he was throwing up, unable to move, irritable and just miserable.  He pushed it too hard, he just can't do that any more.

Over the next month of storms I knew it fell on me.  I didn't mind, I welcomed the new workout - I hate snow and cold but I didn't have a choice.  Growing up I never shoveled, that's what brothers are for so I really had no idea what I was doing.  After my first round I figured it out, push with my legs, use my abs to get it over the high snow banks...it was hard work but I could do it.  I had to do, one of us had to and thankfully one of us could.

This isn't a hoe-hum-look-how-hard-my-life-is post.  This is more of a, hot-damn-I'm-a-bad-ass-and-I-can-do-this post.  Had I let myself continue down that unhealthy path I was headed down I don't know what we would have done, 2 years ago I was not strong enough to shovel out of 4 inches of snow, 34....forget it.  But now, well now - forget it, I've got that!  I may not be 100% happy with how I look, I have some body image issues to work through, but grabbing a sledge hammer and removing inches of ice from my walkway yesterday, that was empowering.  I highly recommend it.

I am not saying I loved every minute out there but when I wanted to complain about all the hard work I thought about all those people who simply can't shovel and I was grateful.  I am able, I am strong, I am a member of an amazing team.  I know Will has so much guilt and a bruised ego about not doing the "man's" work but like I said, we can't change the past but we are making the best of where we are now.