Thursday, February 26, 2015

It's Allowed (updated)

Updated 2/26 5:30PM-
I pulled into the driveway and noticed that the car had moved...he went to the store!  I had to hold back my tears, I was on the phone with my sister and just kept saying "oh my god, he went to the store, he went to the store!"  Knowing what a major step this is she was so happy for him and me.

Today I am reminding myself that it is alright to allow myself to be frustrated with the changes Will's TBI has brought into our lives.

I am allowed to not love being solely responsible for anything that needs to be done outside of the home and for most things inside.

I am allowed to be disappointed when he says he's going to do something but his anxiety gets the best of him and he doesn't even try.

I am allowed to want a release from the stress that all of this causes, knowing that there just aren't enough hours in the day.

I am allowed to be hurt when he is so wrapped up in his own issues that he doesn't even acknowledge when I tell him I am having issues as well.

This is a struggle and just because it's been 5 years since his accident the struggle hasn't gone away.  I'm having a hard time today, I am having very selfish thoughts.  Well, I don't know if they are selfish, they feel selfish because I truly do understand his issues but if he would just try, to go to the market it would make me so happy.  Even if he gets there and can't go in...I don't know, like I said I am being selfish but as long as I can get over it this is allowed too.

1 comment:

  1. All is good, selfish is allowed we all have selfish thoughts, actions are different from thoughts. :) Celebrating the little things like going to the store also absolutely allowed, yeah for you guys, things seem like they are slowly getting better and baby steps are better than standing still!! It is hard work, but someone has to do it. Love your honesty!!