Tuesday, March 17, 2015

I’m Sorry I Keep Us From Things

“I’m sorry I keep us from things.”

Will said this on Saturday night.  I can’t even remember what we were talking about – it wasn’t important.  When I think about this little blog just sitting here collecting dust I often have no idea what to tell you folks, my life is just like yours.  I wake up, shower (most days), feed the kids, go to work, come home, eat, hangout with the kids, bedtime kisses, gym, bed.  Seriously, nothing spectacular.  There are no major daily events that say “hey world, we’re a TBI family!”.  For the most part our little routine has fit in his TBI so well that it just is.

There are some things in our world that are nowhere close to normal but we’ve adapted so well that it seems normal.  On Twitter I’ve talked about The Zac Brown Band playing at Fenway on my birthday – sounds like a perfect date night!  I’m turning 35, I would love nothing more than to celebrate that with my husband in my happy place listening to good music.  I asked him to think about going – I gave him a few days to decide if it would be too much for him.  Ultimately he decided against it.  Concerts are out for the foreseeable future, the crowds, the loud music, the loss of control.  It just isn’t something that he can even think about without anxiety.  Sure I was bummed, he’s my first choice date for everything but after I had my brief “woe is me” moment I asked if he would mind if I went anyway, he doesn’t mind at all. 

This is why this works.  THIS, this team we’ve created.  For so long it was him & his TBI against me.  It almost broke us. 

It’s OK for me to take a moment to be a little pissed about some of this.  It’s not fair that things have changed so much.  It’s not fair that he lives with so much pain and anxiety.  None of this is fair but that life.  We take our moments to be pissed them it’s over.

But I don't really think he keeps us from anything, we just do things differently now.  Like I've always said when things get hard - he came home.  I might wish he could do what he used to do but I am just lucky to have him at all, he came home. 

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