Saturday, December 7, 2013

First Holiday Home

I feels like Thanksgiving was a thousand years ago and it kind of was but I haven't had a chance to talk about it yet.  (We should be in our new place next week so hopefully I will get a routine in place and blogging will be part of that.)  We went to my stepmother's house because I hadn't seen my family since coming home and because Will wouldn't make up his mind about what he wanted to do.  It finally came down to me telling him that I was taking the girls to her house and if he wanted to come he could.  There is no love lost between my husband and my family, it's mostly just him at this point because he lacks the ability forgive and move on.

He decided to come but gave me a lot of shit about it.  I had to listen to him bitch and moan the whole hour long drive up there.  When we got there it wasn't that bad, he had a place where he could disappear if he needed and everyone respected his need to be on his own when he needed.  (His TBI comes with social anxiety as well as a sensory issue where lights and sounds can overstimulate him and trigger headaches and feelings of seasickness and such.)  He told me three hours, I didn't think that would be long enough but I agreed, 3 hours. 

My sister and me. She likes my ass so much she had to touch it.
They day was interesting for me.  I went from spending the entire holiday in the kitchen making a huge meal for our little family (which I kind of love) to being a guest in a house with 20 other people.  So many people that I haven't seen in years, it was great to see everyone but at the same time it was weird.  I was away when my grandmother died and I wasn't at the funeral so it really hit me when she wasn't there.  I cried, she was missed.

There were a lot of questions about what our plans were, people were naturally curious but they have no idea what a loaded question it really was.  Our plans, I have no idea...I don't know what kind of a man I will wake up next to on any given day, how do I know what we want to do with the rest of our lives?

My girls were big hits, TC was quiet but loved playing with all of her cousins and Addie was a ham, as always.  Double fisting desserts like a champ.  It is great that they are finally getting to know their family, it was a little overwhelming at first but by the end of the day it was like they were born surrounded by these people.

Overall it was a success.  We ended up staying about 5 hours because Will said he was fine to stay and he played poker with the boys.  There were times where I felt overwhelmed and missed our little small family holiday but it felt really good to be back where I belong.  On the ride home I had to listed to Will bitch the whole time about my family and me making him stay longer than he wanted (don't even get me started on this - staying was his idea!) at one point he called me trash for doing something that he "can't even remember I just know I heard you and thought you were trash".  We have my family Christmas celebration at the same place next weekend, I hope he decides to stay home - I don't want to even give him the chance to ruin my day.

Is this not how you end a holiday with extended family?


  1. Um, yup. That's the way I spend Christmas with family. =P

  2. I think you are an incredible person. I can't imagine the words you had to choke down after hearing something so disheartening come from your own husband. Maybe it's time to give him a solid gut check. It's so great that the girls have family around now, and you are back home...Im not religious, but I do say a ill prayer for you girls when I know it's a rough time. Stay strong and listen to your have friends rooting for you.

  3. I meant LIL Prayer, NOT an ill prayer, geez! Sorry about that!

  4. I am so sorry, I cannot even imagine what you are going through. My husband just returned home about 2 months ago from his 4th deployment, while he does not have TBI, he has changed, as you know just the deployment itself changes a lot of things. We are struggling to heal, but in time I know we will. I pray every time I read your blog that you and the girls find a way to heal. (((HUGS)))