Oh You're Wise Lloyd Dobbler

One of my favorite all time movies is Say Anything a Cameron Crow high school romance movie from 1989, if you haven't seen in stop reading and go watch it, you wont be disappointed.  One of the best lines in the movie is the main character Lloyd Dobbler talking to his sister who has become pretty miserable after being left with a kid of her own and looking after her little brother while their parents have PCSed to Germany.  

"Why can't you be in a good mood? How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?"

That's my plan.  I will be in a good mood!  I know it's not as easy as it sounds, I have tried before but at this point in life it needs to happen.  I am becoming a bitter, miserable bitch and that is not at all who I want to be.  There are some things in life that I have no control over but how I see the world and how I interact with the people in it are 100% within my control.  I don't want to have the "sad eyes" that I've been told I have recently (more than once - ouch).

I know that it really isn't as easy as just deciding to be in a good mood, it's a lot of work to actually be happy but that's the plan.  Step one is to start running again.  I tried to be a winter runner but I am a wimp and winter in New England is no joke, it is 16º outside my door - screw that!  I need to join a gym and there happens to be a 24 hour fitness down the street.  Just sucks that I am deciding this on January 1st, that place will be a mad house until February when all the resolutioners fall off the wagon onto an ice cream truck.

Next up I will try to get more sleep, currently I am in bed at 11:30 and usually not asleep until midnight and I am up just before 6 when Addie wakes up.  6 hours is not enough, especially when dealing with two strong willed little girls.  (They kind of hate each other at the moment.)  I will try to be in my bed by 10.

Next up is VERY important to me and my future plans, get a job.  I need to feel like I have control over my future and right now I have none.  As a stay at home mom/kind of care giver for the past 4 years I have be 100% dependent on Will.  That needs to stop, I need to know that I can take care of myself and take care of my girls.  While I don't want to leave my girls every day I would love for them to see that I can go out and earn a paycheck too, just a reminder that they can do whatever they want - stay home with a family if that is their choice or work outside of the home.  This job thing will be the hardest, the market isn't great and I've been out of work for four years but hopefully I will find something perfect. 

Once again I am reminded to:

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you’ll just
Smile (source)